Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
