cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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