i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When are your genitals available?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
