he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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