my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
