Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
