my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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