I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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