he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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