Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
