I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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