yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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