Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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