Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
