I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
