if you like me you must not know who I am
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
