I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
