I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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