I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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