So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
