apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
