im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
