I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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