Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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