he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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