just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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