Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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