Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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