Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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