there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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