Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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