Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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