The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
