An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
