I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
