good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
