She is in my trunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
