Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
