I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
