i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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