Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
