I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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