Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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