how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
