I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ok first of all what the fuck
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
