A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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