addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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