I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
