Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
