I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
