I didn't shave. On purpose
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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