she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
