im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
