nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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