i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
