You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
