My hand turned me down
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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