soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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