I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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