Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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