my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
