(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
