Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
