question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
