we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
