I think I died a long time ago.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
