I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
