Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
