zippers are such a cool invention
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize