You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
